Saturday, January 21, 2012

On Monday I saw my family doctor so he could prescribe for me to get a chest x-ray to rule out Tuberculosis.  I need a letter from him so I can go ahead and volunteer at the hospital.  On Thursday I go in for a two hour workshop about volunteering and other things.   I am really looking forward to this and I get to buy my uniform.  While I was at the doctor I also talked to him about my shoulder pain that I have had for the last six weeks.  I thought that I had slept wrong and that was causing the pain.  But he said the problem was with weakening muscles below my arm and around the rib cage that had caused the arm to come out of it socket a little bit and pulled on my muscles and tendons.  So he wants me to have physical therapy for a couple of months.  I can hardly wait for this pain to be over with.

This week my sleep pattern is upside down sleeping during the day and staying up all night long, and I don’t know how to fix it other than to drink a lot of coffee and go 36 hours without sleep.  I hope somebody had a suggestion about this.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

I can’t believe that I started my blog sometime in March and it has so far 2,999 hits as of today.  I’ve never dreamed I would so far so easily.  I need to write more often to keep up with my visitors.

I did something I have wanted to do for a long time, and honestly I don’t know why I put it off for so long other than fear of the unknown, but this week I went to a hospital and inquired about volunteer services.  I have already had my first individual interview, and I already made my appointment to have a TB test and blood test for next week.  I have selected my uniform, and I am thinking of volunteering in the Labor and delivery department, especially to help with Spanish speaking families.  All deliveries are done at this hospital and they average about 7,000 a year.  I think that is great and will keep me busy because I want to have around 20 hours a week.  The hospital is really huge and you can get lost by just making one wrong turn.  But everyone is really nice and willing to help you find your way around.

I have been eating a lot of leftover food from the New Year Eve’s dinner, but still very delicious.  In fact, I am planning to have some as soon as I finish typing this post… yumm

Yesterday I went to a Christian store looking for a booklet about how to pray the rosary.  I haven’t done that in years, and I thought I’ll try as a form of meditation.  But they didn’t have anything like it, and I am at a lost where to go next.

Another thing I have been working on for a while is crocheting blankets and baby hats to donate to hospital; I got the fever really bad and it helps me stay busy and it helps me with my depression.  Yesterday I made four baby hats in just a few hours.

That’s all for now.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

My daughter called at 1:30 a.m. to wish me Happy New Year and to tell me that she is engaged.  Her boyfriend, Keith, proposed to her down on one knee.  She is so happy she is on cloud nine.   They both are going to wait until they graduate from college in 2013 to get marry sometime in the summer.

Tonight I had dinner with my neighbors.  We had a big ham, black eye peas and collard green to receive the new year.  I hope this year is easier on me than the last two years.  So far it is starting with a bang… the engine light in my car came on right at the time that it needs to be inspected and new tags.

This year I am going to do some volunteer work at the hospital.  It will keep me busy and out of trouble.  I have the idea that if I keep busy doing something, I won’t have time to feel as depress as I do right now.  I am happy to say that I only had two hospital stays last year.

Friday, December 29, 2011

A friend invited me to her home for xmas dinner on the 25^th.  Her sister and a friend also came over, and we drank too much wine and ate too much as it is usual on these dinners.  She was gracious enough to have a couple of gifts for me knowing that I wasn’t going to get anything from my kids.  Afterwards we play a game of Apples to Apples that was very entertaining.  Thanks to her my xmas was bearable this year.

Last night I took one of my neighbors to hospital for a checkup.  She has been experiencing a lot of pain in her back and right arms for the last five days.   The doctor suggested that she has a pinched nerve on her neck and prescribed some cortisone and pain killers for the next week.  All I know is that by the time we left the hospital, she was feeling no pain from the drugs they had given her.

I ready for the holidays to be over with.  I can’t stand them, especially since I don’t benefit from them and everyone makes such a big deal about them.  It is so hard on me that I think about suicide all the time.  I want to end the pain of being so alone in the world.  The thought of ruining my kids’ lives is the only thing that keeps me going.  But every day it gets harder.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Today is a little better than yesterday.  I have been helping my neighbor with her crochet-ing  again.  It is very relaxing and I noticed that it helps me calm down a lot.  I am one of those people that is always shaking a foot or leg, but when I am working on the blanket, I relax and quit shaking so much.  I have talked to my doctor and therapist about this, and there is no reason why it happens, nor is there a way to “cure” it.  At least I have tried to look for a solution.  I know that I am of a nervous nature, but I can’t help shaking my foot, and I think it is genetic too because my son does it too.

Also a friend called me and invited me to spend Christmas afternoon with her family for a dinner party.  That was very thoughtful of her.  I hope Walmart is still open because I want to buy some ingredients to make a pumpkin cake to take along.  I haven’t baked anything in years so I hope it turns out okay.

Here is the recipe:

Pumpkin Delight

1 15oz can of pumpkin                                                   1 12oz can of evaporated milk

4 eggs                                                                                   1 ½ cup of sugar

1 tsp salt                                                                              2 tsp pumpkin pie spice

1 yellow cake mix                                                             1 cup chopped pecans

2 sticks margarine                                                            Bake 350 degree for 50-60 min.

Mix pumpkin, evaporated milk, eggs, sugar, salt and spice, and pour into greased and floured 9×13” pan.  Sprinkle one dry yellow cake mix over pumpkin mixture.  Sprinkle one cup chopped pecans over the cake mix.   Melt and drizzle 2 sticks margarine over top of cake mix and nuts.

Merry Christmas everybody!

Friday, December 23, 2011

I haven’t done much this week.  Wednesday I went to my group therapy and we celebrated a little Xmas party.  I had a chance to talk about my son, but no one was able to bring any new ideas to the table.  I still think that he should be evaluated for depression and computer game addiction.   The rest of the days I have spent watching a lot of TV and sleeping, so I am starting to feel a little bit down and nervous about surviving the holidays without having another depression episode like I did last xmas.   I am starting to feel like I am coming down with an episode, but I am powerless to avoid one.   I even had some brief periods of suicidal thinking, I just hope it doesn’t get overwhelming too soon…  there is only so much TV I can watch a day…

Monday, December 19, 2011

I had a busy day.   Last night I stayed up late watching TV and I didn’t get up until almost noon.  I went to see my eye doctor (ophthalmologist) to follow up with a problem I have been having with watery eyes for a very long time.   They have wanted me to use eye drops, but I thought it was a stupid idea because my eyes were more than producing eye drops.  But I learned today that our eyes produce three types of tears, and my eyes were not producing the lubricating tears, so my eyes were dry, and producing a kind of watery tears in response to the excessive dryness.  So I am supposed to use Restasis eye drops for the next six weeks and probably for the rest of my life.  I really hope it helps because I am tired of the constant tearing up.

I went to Walmart and did my grocery shopping.   The store was full of people still buying Christmas gifts.  But since I am alone, I don’t have to buy any gifts, so I am worry free about Christmas.

Another thing I have been doing is learning how to crochet.  My neighbor has been making some blankets and she showed me how to do a couple of things with the yarn.  I made a baby hat, and I tried to make myself a scarf, but it turned out to be horrible.  It is not as easy as it seems.

Lastly, I talked to my daughter tonight and she told me that although she doesn’t have her grades yet, she thinks she did pretty good this semester.  I have no doubt she is going to have A’s and B’s.  She has always being a good student.  But then she told me about my son, her brother, and he made four F’s this semester.   We are all beside ourselves not knowing what to do next.  My son is autistic Asperger, and college hasn’t really being easy for him.  He tried it the fall of 2010, but it was a disaster.  Then again this summer and he did well.  I thought we were in the clear and he was going to be able to go to school like other normal kids, but this semester he didn’t go to class or did the work.  All he did was stay up late playing games online.  I don’t know what to do.   He doesn’t live with me, he lives with his father in another state.   My son qualifies for Social Security help, but he is too good hearted and won’t take it.  I don’t know what is going to happen.  Does he need therapy?   If yes, what kind of therapy?   What else can we do for him?  People think he is old enough to be responsible, but when it comes to being Asperger, age doesn’t have anything to do maturity.